Dear Rumor Mill,
There is a nasty rumor going around that I am lazy and that I spend all day on the PC. Let's get a few facts down.
1.) Yes, my husband got screwed with having a physically disabled wife.
2.) Yes, my kids get the short end of the stick with a mother that cannot run, jump, and skip like she wants to.
3.) Yes, my house is constantly a mess and I ask the children to clean their room, closet, and the hall way that goes from there room to their bathroom. And yes, I ask any friends or family that come over and add to the mess to help clean up the mess they worked so hard to make.
HOWEVER...
I have something called DDD. Degenerate Disc Disease. While I look normal, and it seems I spend my days walking malls, spending my husbands hard earned money then sit on my rear all day, it is time to air things out.
1.) The mall is for exercise. It is a flat level area and it has weather control, and I am not slowing anyone down with my snails pace.
2.) I go to the Doctor often to work on getting the medical stuff FIXED, not as a regular monthly checkup. I hate going to the Dr's office. Because of how I look and my age there is a lot of judgement in the lobby area.
3.) I do AS MUCH as possible with my kids. Girl Scouts with my daughter and baseball for my son. While I cannot do a week of camping and sleeping on the ground like I could 10 years ago, I stay active in the troop and do what I can. I cannot run after the baseballs, but I can pitch them to my son and cheer my hardest at his games. We have only missed 1 during the the last 2 seasons and work at least 2 hours in every season to help the team.
4.) What very few see is that once I walk longer than 2 hours, my left leg gives out and I have to work it very hard to keep walking, and then on the really good days, I have to drag it in the car with my hands.
5.) Cleaning is done is spurts of 20 mins working and 30 mins resting. I was told if my back goes out again like it did 4 years ago that I will be wheelchair bound, and I cannot live in bed for a year again. It SUCKED, but I was very blessed to have lots of family and friends willing to help and once I was able to walk again I try very hard to help as often as I can to repay that kindness.
6.) I often frequent facebook. The computer is in the living room where the kids and I can take turns playing online. I keep close eye on what they are doing and we are doing it as a family. I often leave FB open so that if someone hops online, I can say hello and check on how friends and family are doing. I leave the browser open even if I am not in the house. It has just become habit.
6.) At the end of every day I question God as to why I have the limitations I do. I am only 32. I should be able to clean the house in one day, run, jump, play and do everything that a normal 32 year should be able to do. I wonder if I am good for my family and if it will ever get better. I follow my thoughts with prayers that the next visit to the Dr will bring good results that I will be able to run and play and clean like everyone else my age.
It hurts to see that there is so much judgement when no one stops to ask if there is a REASON. It SUCKS to know that people think you are lazy when you are giving your all. It SUCKS that I have to rely so much on my husband who already works so hard for the family and it SUCKS that I cannot control what is going on, but to just pray that it will get better and that by the time I have to have the back surgery to rebuild the last 5 discs of my lower back that my children are grown so that I am not a burden to my family when it happens. I have said my peace, but I have a suggestion to make. Before passing judgement on someone or something, walk a mile in there shoes. No one can truely know what is beneath the surface till it is personally lived.
